is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
