ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
