My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
