idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
