And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I had to cum in my sink.
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