Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
