i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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