And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
