Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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