i just sent this text using only my big toe
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
