I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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