Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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