exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
