I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
