You just made me feel so damn special
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
