Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize