she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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