Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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