Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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