I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
