come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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