girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
