I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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