Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
