I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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