Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
