you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
