I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize