the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We got so high we made milksteak
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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