Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
