he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Success! We fucked roommates!
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