how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
