how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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