I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The Olympian is in my bed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
