the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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