so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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