I cannot find my penis.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
