i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
