All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How does one acquire holy water?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
