Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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