My nipple is on Facebook.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
