also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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