i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
