guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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