it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
