Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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