I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
