I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize