There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
