i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
