Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
