Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
