well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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