I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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