I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
