I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
