Me. At least after what I've been through.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
