My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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