idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
