I feel great
I just peed on a car
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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