Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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