The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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