You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How external is "for external use only"?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
