did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
