She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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