The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
